i want to slp leh.........
4:38 PM
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hmm let's see... quite a long time since i updated..anyway recently..
woke up early.. took bus down to khatib to meet fen nie to take cab.. guess i too kan chiong arh.. left the house too early then reach there with 1hr to spare.. so went to eat something instead then went back mrt to wait for fen nie.. then from there can see fen nie runnnniiinnngggg across the bridge lol anyway... took cab then went to pick lim up then go lstc.. then found out that miss lim could break open the gate without any help! lol ok la not break open.. push open! haha.. but stil.. my first time there so ya.. then jingkai they all came then conducted sea training... cool man drive rubber dinghy haha...
hmmm so after sea training all of us went to catch a movie.."just follow law" dam funny la!!! jack neo's movies are the goodest man! lol but anyway after that, us guys went to sembawang while girls went home, went sembawang for ake briefing, actually realised that everything was really really messy and can be really stressing, somemore i the kind that will stress if got little problem.. so ya..after briefing went to repair boats, but i think we all just went there to try and start motor arh.. coz thats wad i was doing most of the time.. hmm got new muscle growing.. haha..

anyway... 1st day of ake prep training

didnt really sleep much la.. woke up like 5 times the whole nite i dunno y... and the air con was freaking freaking cold.. so that didnt really help us slp.. woke up went downstairs then just stoned...didnt really have much appetite... food sucked.. stomach was like shivering the whole time..i guess i was really excited about the thought that maybe i was gonna drive a boat on my own.. but then really really disappointed... i had to stay on land the whole morning shift while the others went out... y? coz i had to train the boat boys.. i just feel that me training the boat boys wasnt really a good idea...but then nvm arh.. just went and orientated them for awhile then after that lt. JJ took over.. then went morning shift came back, i listened to all the wonderful stories that i missed while i was on shore.. but nvm arh.. went out in the afternoon.. after whaler had a change of engine.. quite shiok arh but hard to turn.. first time solo.. then first time solo again to rescue cap. I guess i kinda panicked? went in too fast... luckily i cut the engine.. but then that time was like cat 1.. quite scary arh.. for my first time.. lim also took over for awhile then realised she wasnt suitable for backstick.. jiayoU! lol

anyway after that was supposed to recover boat... i dunno wad went wrong la.. some people quite sad.. then i on the boat.. cannot do anything for my friend.. felt so so so helpless.. and that feeling sucked.. guess that affected my boat recovery.. kinda messed up.. recovered like shit coz jingkai still had to go down and push back to place.. i felt like a loser la at that point of time... i couldnt do anything! i just sat there like a idiot and watched.... i just wanted to die..i think just by saying sorry couldnt really express much arh.. everytime i say sorry i just want to die.. coz i know people will think i'm just saying it for the sake of saying it.. like everytime i want to tell the truth.. people say i'm lying maybe i'm just oversensitive.. but still..saying sorry is like the densiest thing someone can do to cover up their wrong doings.. but then sometimes its just so helpless that there's nothing u can do but just say sorry.. just like not being able to help my friends....its like whenever ur friends need help, u just cant lend a helping hand.. and that makes u feel sooo dam useless,so unfit to BE a friend.. So throughout the rest of the day, i just felt so stupid... so useless... some stupid shit oic post.. so wad.... big deal! i dun even respect myself! so i'll feel ok whenever someone scolds me.. i'm never confident of myself.. never..
11:27 PM
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i just got my ppcdl license!!!!!!! dam excited!!!!!!!! but why the hell must it be in the middle of exams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arghhhhhhh i want to drive but yet i cant!!!! somemore i can die of stress because of exams!! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh tmr is macro i'm seriously worried, i dont want to fail even though i'm mugging like freaking shit crazy now....(decided to spare like few minutes to shout/type it all out), i have no confidence in my POA today shit man..... i was like practicing like hell... i was confident i could do it, but then when i started the paper, i sort of blanked out..... all the worrying and nervousness got to me.... i couldnt remember wad i was supposed to know learnt....... zzzz i'm really praying for the best that i can pass this exams, let alone do well... i do not want to retake any modules! i hope someone up there likes me, maybe do a little disk clean up or defragmentation on my brain... just let me finish up macro!!!!! and delete files! and store management notes in my braiN!!!! how i wish i was a computer rite now........
8:08 PM
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